What Separates Us from the Animals

Some say that what separates us from the animals is our huge noggins stuffed full of brains.

Others say it is our opposable thumbs, which allow us to text message on cell phones, that sets us apart.

And there are those who say the difference is that we walk upright, which makes our opposable-thumb-equipped front paws available to hold those cell phones up to our big, fat, brainy heads while we tap dance down the street.

I say the difference mostly comes down to slurping versus lapping. Put a saucer of water in front of any beast, and it will lap it up with its tongue. Lap, lap, lap, lap. But put the same saucer in front of a human being, and (if you don't allow the use of opposable thumbs to just pick it up and drink it) the human will pucker its lips together and slurp. Sluuuuuuurp. Have you ever seen a cat or dog slurp?