Diary of a Compost Pile - April 13

Here is another diary entry by guest author Fertilemyrtle Rottenpile, the compost pile built during my Basic Compost Workshop. --- Eric

Dear Diary,

It's me, Fertilemyrtle Rottenpile.

The workshop participants left me in the care of Master Eric. Technically he is still a Master Composter in training, and that means he is still in his nerdy, enthusiastic stage --- I hope he doesn’t get to be too over-solicitous and fussy! I mean, compost happens, and I’m going to do all the work, so there is no need to keep fiddling with me. I suppose it’s nice to have a little attention now and then, but let’s not get obsessive.

For example, the first thing this morning, I saw Master Eric coming at me with a two-foot-long thermometer, and all I could think was, “That thing doesn’t look oral!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Sure enough, no conversation, no kitchen scraps, no water, just BAM, and there I am with a huge thermometer sticking out of my heap.

A little abrupt, but the truth is that I am warming up to this guy. I was nearly 100 degrees after less than one day! I was actually almost exactly 98.6 degrees --- I felt almost human.


After checking my temperature, Master Eric began fussing around with me. He decided maybe I wasn’t quite as damp as a wrung-out sponge, so he sprinkled some water on me. It’s common for new piles like me that have a lot of dry brown material not to absorb the water sprayed on us when we are first built, especially if we are built in a hurry. We absorb it better after we have sat for awhile.

He also decided to add in the other 15 gallons of medium-sized, unfinished compost material he had sifted out of my predecessor pile, and cap me off with some more leaves he raked up around the garden. That is all brown material, so to balance me out he added a good amount of bagged chicken manure that he had got from the store a while back. Man, I hope I don’t start to stink! I already had a load of Roscoe droppings, and now all this chicken poop too? I don’t know how much more of this shit I can take.

Frankly, with all the disturbance, I sort of lost my decomposure. The whole experience left me a bit cold --- my temperature dropped back to about 80 degrees.

-- FR